SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome to the pod. What's up? This is Christy.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

This is Ashley.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

And we are two brains, one bot.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Yee boo we.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Uh so this is a very fitting, fitting topic. Yeah. Have you been following the explosive diarrhea lettuce?

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Sure have. Sure have. That was my nickname in high school.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Explosive diarrhea lettuce.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

No, just diarrhea lettuce.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Um, but is it just Taco Bell being Taco Bell?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I don't think Taco Bell has anything to do with it, does it?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

They were linking it to Taco Bell.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Yeah, because they wanted a fall guy.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Because they're racist.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

I love I love the things that are like, you know, it's never given me um explosive diarrhea and it's Diet Coke. Yeah. Yeah. Which maybe, I mean, yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

I posted that thing that was like me protecting my kids by not giving them any sort of berries or lettuce. It's just the mom eating french fries with two kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Hell yeah. But let's just do like a little recap of the drama. Okay. As of now. Which this could be very outdated by the time this episode's post. I'm sure by the time this posts, I'll be like, oh no. Because we've already we've already found out that you know someone paved someone else off so that they're not like pointing the finger at someone else.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Diarrhea is timeless. Yeah. It really is. It's really timeless. Classic. There will always be something that's giving us diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Yeah. So our our culprit in this scenario, it's your girl, Cyclospora. So what a queen. Yeah. Fun fact Cyclospora used to be monitored by a federally funded foodborne surveillance program, but last year, your boy, Dr. RFK Jr.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

He's not a doctor.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Cut the funding.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Is he a doctor?

SPEAKER_00 2:09

No.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Okay, I'm just making sure. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Oh would you would you like the director of human health services to be a doctor? Because I would, but no. He's got abs, and so that was like pretty much all the prerequisite, and that he wears jeans in an ice bath.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Oh listen, all things aside, Democrat, Republican, purple, green, whatever party you are, jeans in a hot tub. That guy's weird.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Not a hot tub, ice bath. Ice bath and an asana.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

And guys, just because he has abs and balls doesn't matter. Loose skin, old balls.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Loose skin and old balls.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Anyway, so yeah, Cycloswara got cut from the surveillance program because they were probably like, they haven't even they haven't even done anything with this it. Yeah. And they haven't done anything with it because they've been doing their job.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

So, anyways, it's he's the denim hero that we didn't know we needed.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

God damn. Please no.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

I gagged when I said that. Get a life. Um, so anyways, it was just a a definitely an FAFO.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah. And this is I just feel like we're not doing enough bullying anymore. Like, I know there's been a conscious effort to like not bully people anymore, but people who wear jeans in in their cold tubs or whatever. With Kid Rock. With Kid Rock, let's bully. We need to do some more bullying.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

You're stupid.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Let's get it together.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Anyways, but of those that are left, and with the funding that is left, these amazing epidemiologists are doing their best to track this outbreak.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

And we're proud of them. I'm sorry. Against all efforts against Little Wonderkin RFK. They're doing their best. Um, but very simply put, and this is very simply put because epidemiology is a very expansive study of disease outbreaks. They are identifying cases, interviewing the people affected or surrounding to help determine like what the commonality is. Like what is what is behind all of this? And we're hopefully able to trace it back to a source, whether that be a food or whatever, right? Um, which they kind of determined was a specific grower of lettuce in a in a specific area, which then allegedly that person then went made a donation, and now the FDA and the White House are like, no no no, we made a mistake.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Actually, just talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Actually, it wasn't you. It was it was you. But anyways, again, this is coming at we're recording this on June 20th.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

July 21st.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

July 21st. Way in the the the past. Okay. Um, but again, these epidemiologists they do incredible work to to track the national and global infections, and we should all be thankful. And they do such a great job that normally we don't even know they exist.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

But occasionally when things go absolutely rogue, we find out about them and they're amazing. And they make it so that like they're working behind the scenes so that we can eat all the the worst fast food at 2 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah. That's just the mark of a good scientist, though, right? Is just holding up the paper walls of everything to make sure that the mark of a good scientist is not knowing they exist. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah. Because we don't want to be seen.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

We don't want to be seen. We just we just want to do our lab science in our basement and get paid and go home. Yep. To eat Taco Bell in the car.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

We have to recognize that they have their challenges, and one of the major parts of the investigation is that like they identify the people that are affected. And then they have that person that is like okay being interviewed and describing a great deal the details about their ars gravy.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Ars gravy.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah. Another term for diarrhoea. And that's the thing, that's hard. Like, they have to be calling these people, and then these people have to be okay telling a complete stranger, like, I have not been able to get off my toilet. I have yeah. And some people are probably like, no, it wasn't that bad. I mean, like one extra bowel movement. But like, hey, we need you to be so for real and just give them all the dirty details. They don't want to be asking it, but they have to ask. I like saw this being in it, it said it's like a 12-page document.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Are you gonna read it to me right now?

SPEAKER_00 6:29

No, I'm not. That would be funny, but no, and because of who I am, like we're just taking the very non-serious route of talking about diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Also, but just like a side note, talk about your bowels, talk about the weird, uncomfortable things. You guys, if you don't have a group chat with your spouse and you know, your friends about your bowel movements, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 6:51

I know, and you know, in the wise words of our friend Moe Schroot, everybody poops. There's no other way to get the get to get rid of the food.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

That's an office quote. I love Mo's. All right, yeah. Anyways, so everybody poops. There's just no other way to get rid of the food. And that's true. There's just literally no other way. Everybody poops. I think there's a book.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Yeah, there is a book. I read it to my kid when I was potty training.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Everybody poops.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

She loved it.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Okay, so yeah, we're gonna talk about diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

So going back when you're a kid, did you ever hear or sing those diarrhea songs? Yes. So my favorite is, and the first one that always comes to my mind is when you're sitting in a Chevy and you feel something heavy.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Diarrhea. Diarrhea. You gotta say it twice.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

I can't remember any of the other ones. You talked about this to me earlier off mic, and I can remember the tone of it, but I can't remember any of the other ones.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

So, okay, I have a few other ones, but like one that's coming to mind right now that I don't have on my list is like something about baseball. Oh, when you're sliding into first and you feel suddenburst, diarrhea.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Yeah, yeah, okay, diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

I'm just gonna read this twice. I'm just gonna read a couple other ones. When you're standing on the ladder and you hear something splatter, diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yep, diarrhea. Yep, big deep.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

When you're swimming in a pool and you feel something cool, oh no.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Wouldn't it be warm? Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

When you think you're gonna fart, then you see a work of art.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Guys, none of these ever made sense, but they were so funny. They were really funny. So funny. Okay, two more.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

When you're sitting on the pot, that's grown up in the 90s, man.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

When you're sitting on the pot and you feel something hot. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. And good for you for already being on the pot. And then when you're standing in the ocean and you hear a big commotion.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

It's not a shark, it's diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Thank you. Okay, but we're gonna bypass all the usual sp suspects like food poisoning, lettuce, and all that good stuff and illnesses, and talk about some of the the previous times when the thunder splats were all the rage in the news. And the one, the first one that comes to my mind, and the one that I I will kind of cherish. Not cherish. Oh yeah, cherish. Think about Olestra and the Wow Chips of the 90s. Do you remember the Wow Chips?

SPEAKER_01 9:14

No.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

They were marketed as a fat-free potato chip by Fruit Olay. Oh, but which of course everyone was jazzed about. And like, you know, your girl loves chips. I love chips. And they're fat-free.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

They're fat-free because of the new at the time synthetic zero calorie fat substitute that made what was made from like sucrose and vegetable oil. But it just literally ran through you. So everybody's eating these wow chips. I think they were called like Olay. Does that sound right? I don't know. They said like wow on the bag. Is this too early for you?

SPEAKER_01 9:45

It might have been too early. What year?

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Early 90s.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Yeah, I was born in the early 90s. So probably too early, but I love it.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Anyways, but the result is you guessed it. An upside-down volcano.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

So Frito Lay eventually had to legally print warnings on the bags about the anal leakage. Because what happens is your body cannot process that fat. Like this different kind of fat. Like the molecules were too big. And so it just passed right through you. Just slipped sliding on out of there. And it was a collective national trauma because everybody was so excited about these fat-free potato chips. And it was like with a side of diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Well, and also isn't that a combination of fenfen with it too? Or we just we just all oh you know, I don't know when fenfen was a thing, but I just remember it.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Fen fin was not in my lifetime, I don't think. I think it was like 70s.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

No, it definitely was in your lifetime.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Oh. How old do you think I am?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Uh you said 1800s, right? Oh no, no, no. There's been was a in the 90s, I think, because I have a family member who had to have their gallbladder taken out while I was a young child because they were on Fenfin.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Oh what's the other one that was like from the 60s? Speed? Drugs? Meth? Meth? Yeah. Okay. So, anyways, yeah, there was the wow chips that were so funny.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Oh, that was funny.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Yes, we tried. And they had like all the varieties. They had like regular and Cheetos and Doritos.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

So, how long after putting that warning label on the chips did those chips last? Because not long.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Because nobody wanted that. Nobody was like, I'll take a case of diarrhoea for these chips. Because they also weren't like you could taste that they were different. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

There's nothing like the OG fat.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

I know.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

So speaking of fat. Okay. The keto diet, carnivore diet. So keto carnivore is just literally no carbs, so it's all fat and protein. So when they switch to the fat and meat diet, their gallbladders are like a little slow to ramp up with the bile production, which helps us break down fat. And so the result is just that pure unabsorbed fat hitting your colon, leading to the dirty squirties. If you've heard of the dirty 30s, they ain't got nothing on the dirty squirties.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

I love that so much.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

The dirty squirties. So yeah. So those the those people on the keto carnivore diet, you're gonna have a uh just a brief transition period with the dirty squirties. So But you're then your body kind of is this also paleo? Paleo Paleo is the same, right? No, paleo is like fish uh and some carbs.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Some carbs? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Paleo is like what they were eating in the paleo paleo lithic era, which I don't know what that means. I don't know. But it's definitely carbs because it's like plants and stuff too.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Right. My brother-in-law was on the paleo for a while and he he it's been great for him.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

What is paleo? It is fish, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I think it's fish, meat, chicken, vegetables, and vegetables, and yeah. But some of the vegetables are like but like not like highly processed foods, basically, which is probably how we should be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

But those vegetables give you that fiber, and that fiber is what keeps you from getting the rhea.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Right. The rhea.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Yeah. The rhea, as some people call her. Okay. This is also one of my favorites. Okay, but a more modern time favorite.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

We're so unserious.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

We're just laughing about a tragedy that's happening, you know. Uh, due to the failure of our incompetent government.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Yeah, which like let's be real. Sometimes, like, you joke around, like, I'd have a good taste case of the diarrhea. And then when you actually get it, you're like, when will this stop?

SPEAKER_01 13:34

You're praying to all the deities, I know all the skydaddies and mommies.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Anything to just slow this down.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

I'd go for a good case of constipation right now.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Which sometimes you get after the Rhea.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Or at the same time, have you ever had constipated diarrhea?

SPEAKER_00 13:52

What? Yeah. Wow. Okay, bookmark that. Let's we'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Don't know if I've ever had it, but I've heard of it and it sounds awful.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

It sounds mythical.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

It's a mythical creature. Right next to Bigfoot.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yeah. Okay. So the other one that I like from a more recent time that you'll be old enough to know about is the flame and hot Cheetos diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

And I think it was like about five to ten years ago. Yeah. Which also could be anywhere from 15 to 20 years ago. Time isn't real.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

No, it's a flat circle.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Um, but it was an influx of teens seeking medical attention for bloody poos. And then they were like, hey, you're eating too many flame and hot Cheetos at lunch. And talkies. So they weren't actually bleeding. It looked like they were having bloody stools, but it wasn't actually bleeding. It was just the spices in the Cheetos and some other ingredients that were just totally inflaming the stomach lining and causing red 40. Oh, probably. But like irritating that stomach lining and causing a tummy tsunami.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

And then the red dyes made it come out looking bloody. So just cool on the flame and hot chips. Like regular lays is fine. Like regular potato salt, it's all good, guys. Just go. That's where it's at.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Listen, it's not gonna be, it's not a health food. We all know it's not a health food. We're not trying to eat it to be healthy. We're just trying to have a little bit of joy in this bleak world. Well, we like diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

The color of flame and hot Cheetos doesn't exist outside of flame and hot Cheetos, so don't put it in your body.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

And talkies, the blue talkies that are like, ooh, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Fun fact, I've never had a talkie and I won't be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

I would just like spicy foods in general because it really is.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

I love spice I love spicy foods, but I want it naturally, not yeah, not radioactive. Radioactive. The next one, and I thought this was really funny. And I'd kind of heard about this, but I hadn't never looked into it. But the Mariko Aoki effect, and it's an actual documented um psychological and physiological phenomenon named for the Japanese woman who like wrote about it in a magazine in 1985, so a year before your Lord and Savior Christie. Um probably Taylor Schwimp, I think me and Taylor are the same age.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

89 is when she was born.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Never mind. Anyways, but essentially, some people will experience an intense sudden urge to poo at Barnes and Noble the second they walk into a bookstore. Yeah. Yep. So the Mariko Aoki effect. And theories range from it just being like the smell of the paper, coffee, relaxing. It like reminds you of being home, like sitting, reading a book, drinking your coffee. It's like a Pavlovian of conditioning from and also just like reading on the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Let's not read on the toilet, guys. Guys, just go into the bathroom, do your business, and get out of there. We do not need to be sitting on the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Sitting on the toilet. It's not healthy. Sitting on the toilet.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Have your no, I don't, I have no idea what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Oh, I think it was vine days. Oh there was a vine that was going around. It was just this girl. She's like sitting on the toilet.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I think I I think I somehow missed the vines.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Oh, vine was where it was at. It was like funnier TikTok. And then it died and became TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

I think vines maybe were when I was like having infants. Yeah. And so I was just dead.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Do it for the vine.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yeah. But anyways, yeah, just just guys, just get your business done in the bathroom and get out of there. Okay. So now let's talk about some just more routine, standard, socially acceptable methods for getting your Hershey squirts.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Okay. We call them the sugar shits at my house.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Well, number one, and I subscribe to this regularly: the morning constitutional, the coffee.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

The coffee. You gotta.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Like the good lord intended.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

A hot cup of coffee will change your life and your bowel movement.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

And it's just something about that warmth, even on a hot day, that warmth in the morning, it just gets your pipes moving. It just gets your blood flowing.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Not even just like your gut, too, like your sinuses, like all of your fluids, all of your humors just moving around in your body.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Yeah, I just can't even wait for the next day for that cup of coffee, cup of coffee. But in all reality, studies show that it just releases gastrin, which really just gets your motors running inside. So and now because that's such a good routine, it's just people's morning routine of a morning coffee. It's a morning ritual, and I like it.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah. And it it gets things open.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Are you a little bit backed up? Have a have yourself a cup of coffee.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Delicious. I had to do some research online about this. And I was like, what gives people the diaria?

SPEAKER_01 18:41

And you know I can't wait to see your Google search issues.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

And you know, I ended up on Reddit.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

And someone said coffee and Panda Express. And then the next comment down was together or separate? question mark. And then the like the poster put separate and you'll take normal shits together and it will be explosive. And then someone put, are you just assuming it will be explosive together? And then the poster put, I'm not assuming, I know. Then someone put, you scare me, and the poster put, I know. I just thought that was so funny.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

All right.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

And once again, you guys, the internet can be so good when you find these beautiful exchanges. Like, how beautiful is that? That's beautiful. I'm gonna I'm gonna cross-ditch it. Are so funny. So funny. I can't you scare me.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I know to be connected that way as strangers talking about poo.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

So dry.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Not even like friends. Friends are formed through the comment sections.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

I'm I I'm yeah, and who knows? These two people could have passed on the street and just never known that they were connected via the internet. Okay. Another um, just a natural standard method to get the brown river flowing. Runner's trot.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Runner's trot?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yeah, so this like long and short distance runners regularly ex experience gastrointestinal ischemia, which is basically when your body's in stress, it will um focus, you know, the nutrients, the blood, the whatever, the oxygen to the areas that need it the most. So when you are running, you are stressing your body out. It's taking the blood flow away from your gut and moving it to your legs because that's where we need it. We are our body feels like we are in danger when we are trying to just be physically active. But also, like um the physical act of bouncing just kind of gets everything moving. So people, it's the runner's trout, like you'll also just be running and be like, oh no, I gotta go to the bathroom, which is why when you are at races or whatever, there is just a whole long line of porta potties and everybody's using them, and it's the worst.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

And they're shitting.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Everybody's shitting, everybody poops. Yeah, because you gotta get them out before you go.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Um, thankfully, and I'll knock on all the wood, all the MRI machines. I have never experienced a true code brown while out running.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Um, probably will now because I'm putting it out under the universe. Yeah. And not to say that like the urge isn't there. Like sometimes I'll be running and be like, oh no.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Oh no, I gotta get out of here. But I gotta run faster. Some people just have to like squat in their neighbor's bushes or you know, pay the troll under the bridge.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Pay the troll toll.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Yeah. For a code brown. So again, I've never thankfully I've never had a code brown, but oh my gosh, I'm open to anything.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

We love that about you. I can't wait to hear about you squatting in your neighbor's bushes.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

No, I remember one time I had this cute friend from a long time back, and she told me that she was just running through like cute little neighborhood, and she just all of a sudden was just like, oh no, code brown. And she said she just had to squat in her neighbor's bushes, and she was like, They'll just never know. They'll just never know that I did that in their bushes.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

She they're not.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

She said it was like, no, no, she said it was like 5 a.m., 6 a.m. She was out super early and she's just like, it happened. And she's like, I just there there was no other way.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

This had to be prior to cameras on the outside of people's houses. No, don't say that. Pivoting. Remember the office when they put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the 5K? The merit is poly. I totally forgot. Yeah. And he's like, ah, you usually have to stop and go to the bathroom, but I'm feeling great. And they meant to do a laxative, but Dwight's an idiot. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

No, well, like runners will do that. They'll take like an antidiarrheal to try and hold it in. Because if you're there to win, if you're there to be to time, like if you have to stop, because along the raceway there will be porta potties like every two-ish miles.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Yeah. So wow. Anyways, good times.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Here's a here's a thought. Don't do long distance running.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Here's a thought. Don't tell me what to do.

unknown 23:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

I gotta disassociate somehow.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Um, have you considered ambient therapy? Therapy? Therapy need to be a good one.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

It is sweat therapy. That is running is my sweat therapy.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

There is nothing like a good runner's high.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

So um, anyways, I I agree. There it is sweat therapy, getting those endorphins, but but also I feel like sometimes I get that same kind of really from just lifting heavy stuff.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Or drinking a diet coke.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Or drinking a diet coke. Yeah. Same thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Same thing.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Same thing. Same thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Okay. Next mode of diarrhea. It's milk baby.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Give me some of that lactose intolerance.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

So about 60 to 70% of people have some kind of intolerance to lactose. You know, it might not be full-blown, but um, it's almost like we shouldn't drink milk.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Maybe, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

But I will say sometimes milk just slaps.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Yeah. Just right across your cheeks.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Yeah. Sometimes it's coming out of you. In the last week, I actually did drink a glass of milk. Yeah. My son poured one and I saw it and I was like, oh, hey there. And I took a little sip and I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

And then you immediately shook your pants.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Um, I don't think I did.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Oh, gotcha. But do you think the got milk campaigns have made millennials more lactose intolerant? Because those were very prominent when we were young.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

And then it I just seems like lactose intolerance is more of a problem.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

For some people, it's definitely hard pass, like you've can't even have a little bit of it. But then I think it's just more of an exposure game where if you're not regularly ingesting lactose, then all of a sudden you have like a milk or an ice cream or whatever, and then you pay for it versus somebody that maybe is generally exposing themselves regularly to lactose. So I don't I don't regularly have lactose. I think it was it Hank Grey big volumes, I guess I should say.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Hank Green did a video about how cheese could affect somebody completely different than milk or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Oh, I haven't seen that.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Um, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

But anyways, all of it to say I have like a bowl of ice cream at night, I'm like, well, I'm just gonna wake up with a stomachache. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. And I I I go into it knowing what I'm gonna get out of it.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

My husband is severely lactose intolerant.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Oh, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

But it's mainly with ice cream or shakes. And so we keep lactate around the house.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Well, I one time had my a wonderful previous college professor say, if you think you have lactose intolerance, drink a glass of milk and everyone around you will let you know.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Yep. Oh, yeah. And I love that.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

I always think about that. They'll let you know. They'll let you know. Um, okay. And then the last one of a just a natural way to just get the the juices flowing is just Taco Bell and Chipotle.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Correct, but only because of um Chipotle's history with with E. coli. Oh shoot. Well Is it 0157H7 that is the one that they it was the like the bloody dysentery one? Oopsie!

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah, yeah, not great. The internet says maybe it's not really Taco Bell, like maybe you just need more fiber. Maybe. And then I read another comment that was like, hey, listen, you pulled all the protein out of it, added all the the sauces and the sour cream. Of course you're gonna have diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Yeah. Also, you gotta train for that stuff. Yeah. We have a coworker that had um a local burrito shop here and had diarrhea the next day. And I remember thinking, like, I've been eating that shit since high school.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

You don't you don't go into that willy-nilly.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Like, yeah, you gotta train for it. You gotta condition your gut to really be ready for it.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

You gotta build up, build up that tolerance.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Oh, but anyways, I'm gonna I am now gonna be vulnerable and share one way that I had a very bad case of the the big D. Okay. Um, and it was a very surprising way.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Please don't call it the big D.

unknown 27:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

The Brown River.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Congratulations on getting your big D.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Shut up. So one surprising way that I had a visit from the Diarrhea Ferry, as we call it. So this was a couple years ago, and I thought I was having like terrible heartburn. I thought it was heartburn, so I was taking tumps. I was doing all the things, like trying, and it was to the point where like I almost couldn't even lay down because it was so heavy. I think I remember that. Do you remember this? And I was talking to everybody about it. I was just like, oh my gosh, I have this worst heartburn. It's so bad. And my one friend, God bless her, I love her to death. Um, I'll never fault her for this. Um, and I hope she remembers that she told me this. But she was like, a tablespoon of baking soda in water, and that will take care of your heartburn. And so I did it because at this point I was just like, I need relief. Like, like I couldn't do anything, I couldn't like bend over it, it hurt so bad. Like everything just hurt.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

That's anxiety, babe.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Well, wait around the punchline. Sorry. But, anyways, I did it. I ended up like a tablespoon of baking soda and water, and like full disclaimer, don't do this. But I have never experienced that type of wrath. Just absolute liquid lightning. Just could not go any farther. And then this same cute friend, love her to death. She also was like, maybe it's like a panic attack or like anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

After you drank it and you were like, oh no.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Well, I told her after, I was just like, I don't, I don't think that helped. But I always think about like I I don't think I've ever experienced something so violent.

unknown 29:00

I remember this.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

You do? It was like my yearly summer anxiety panic attack that I get, which I haven't had this summer knock on wood. But my gosh. The worst.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

It's really good to hear you talk about it openly.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Thank you. But I also Googled it, and drinking baking soda and water is dangerous. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

So you're messing with your pH and stuff, man.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Well, cleared. Oh man, that was cleared your gut. Violently. I couldn't go anywhere.

unknown 29:35

I couldn't go anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

But everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Oh my god, it was your heartburn.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

It didn't help at all.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

You were broken. Because it wasn't heartburned. You're having the anxiety shits at that point.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Oh my gosh, it wasn't heartburned, but it felt like it. It felt like such a heaviness in my chest. Anyways.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Yeah, just not great.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

This is too much for the pod.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

No, I love it. It's the best ever.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Do you have anything you want to tell us about?

SPEAKER_01 30:06

I the only instances I think of personal stories is when I had norovirus and I thought for sure I was going to be, I thought I was gonna die. I mean, I would and I was breastfeeding at the time as well, so I was just severely dehydrated and eating ice cubes because I couldn't even like a sip of water would make me vomit and both ends. It was awful. But I do have a funny story of a family member of mine.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Do you mean a friend? Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

No, a family. Yeah, he goes to a different school.

unknown 30:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

No, so he was visiting um a friend that lived out of state, and so him and his wife went there, and this was before they had babies, and they were staying in the basement, and it was during the summertime, and some people keep their houses very cold, myself included. My house is maybe like 60 degrees right now. It's it's heaven.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

So you're like pretty much in hell over here because this room is hot.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

This room is pretty hot, yeah. No, but um, anyways, so he was over there, and they I guess what he the way he explains it is that they were on a new health food journey, and so they were cutting certain things out of their diet, and so they fed them this very interesting meal. And you know, you're polite, you're yeah, you're not gonna say no. You're gonna do it. You're visiting someone's house, you're in their space, you just go with the flow and whatever.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

The brown flow.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

So then they go to bed that night, and he obviously wakes up and has severe diarrhea. Oh no, but because they were in the basement sleeping, and it's just naturally colder in the basement, and then he's on the toilet freezing. Oh and he he said he had to take the hand towel and like hold it up for his because he was so cold. So cold. And you know how like when you have diarrhea, you kind of get the chills also because your body is freaking out, so he had diarrhea. We called it the hyperthermic shits. Still one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. He has four kids now.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Oh my gosh. What is what food was it?

SPEAKER_01 32:09

I don't know. I think they were going like I think they were going like gluten-free or something. Oh shoot. Just didn't, it just didn't jive with my I do remember one other moment where like overloaded on fiber.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

Have you ever overloaded on fiber? No. I think I ate like fiber one bar and an apple in one morning.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Dude, those will mess you up.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

And I was at college, and I remember leaving and walking out to my car and being like, oh no, I don't feel good. And I did not live far from campus. I was five minutes maybe. Right. And that was like like white knuckling the steering wheel, being like, I'm not gonna make it. I am not gonna make it. Like the worst, like just the crampage of your stomach. Yeah. I mean, and it it doesn't end in maybe it didn't end in like the Brown River, but oh, my tummy hurts so bad.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

I will say, my mom makes dried apples with cinnamon on them.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Careful.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

And they have to ration me because I will eat a whole thing and then I will have diarrhea and be like, well, why do I have diarrhea? I don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

It's like it's like me the next morning after ice cream.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

I don't get why my tummy or the beer shits. The beer shits are awful. I stopped drinking beer for that very reason. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Sometimes it's nice.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

A good cleanse. Yeah. Anyway, hyperthermics. Now you know so funny. Oh, that is so funny. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

And he's the way because you're just like miserable, you're in someone else's house, and what an embarrassing situation to be in where you're just like, I'm so cold. I'm just can't tell. The vet was like, I just destroyed this bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

So cold.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Oh, all the way as far as he could.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

It's a classic.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Classic.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Uh I hope he listens to the pod and hears this because you know who is it? Your friend.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Shout out to your friend. Um, okay. That's all I got about diarrhea. Let us pray.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

Oh, to our Lord and Savior Taylor Swift.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

What?

SPEAKER_01 34:19

To our Lord and Savior and Savior Taylor Swift.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Okay, well now this the last little game segment thing is gonna be just a dramatic reading about haribo sugar-free gummies.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

Oh my god, I love these comment sections.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

So I'm gonna read some quotes from reviews of haribo sugar-free gummies, and then ask you a question about it. And it's multiple choice, so like just be, yeah, I'll give you the options. Okay. Quote number one coming from a review. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. Question. What did this reviewer name their review? Was it A, the Niagara Fallout? B, see you in hell, or C, my delicate starfish.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

I think it's see you in hell.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

It's not see you in hell. It was my delicate starfish. I love that. Okay. I don't think it's quote number two. So this is coming from a review. The sounds were like trumpets calling the demons back to hell. The stench like a thousand rotten corpses vomited. My question for you is how many gummy bears did the author of this review eat to achieve this level of exorcism?

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Is it a a five-pound bag? Oh god. I love gummy bears. B, about twenty, or C, just one solitary bear?

SPEAKER_01 35:52

My initial thought was like three to five, so I'm gonna go with the solitary bear.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

A solitary bear, no, it was twenty bears.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

They ate 20 bears and they saw hell.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

Can you imagine them eating the whole bag? They would be hospitalized, probably.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Okay. Number three. It was if it was as if someone dropped a bath bomb made of pure stomach acid directly into my large intestines. I didn't even have time to sit down. I just hovered and prayed.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Dang, that was leg day to the max.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

The question. How long after eating the gummy bears did this reviewer say the bath bomb exploded? Okay. So they how long do you think it took for the for it just to go all the way through? Is it A, 45 minutes? B 3.5 hours, C, directly on the drive home from the store.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Directly on the drive home from the store.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

No, that'd be funny though. 45 minutes. Oh geez. Within 45 minutes of eating them bears, they were bath bombing.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Are you gonna read me a full review?

SPEAKER_00 36:59

No, I thought about it and then I was like, that's really long because people are artistic in their descriptions. They are so funny.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Go read those reviews. They're so funny.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

The green apple splatters. Oh geez. The thunder splats, if you will. Okay, number four, and I quote: Do not buy these unless you are preparing for a colonoscopy or if you want to punish an enemy with a gift basket. Alright. How many stars did this reviewer give the product on Amazon? Is it A, one star, pure hatred? B five stars because it performed its duty with ruthless efficacy. Or C three stars, a solid middle ground. They got they got kind of what they wanted, kind of what they didn't.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Five stars.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

They gave it five stars because technically it cleared them out. If they if the intent was full drainage, they got it.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Yeah, fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

It was a rotor rooter. It's fine. Okay. Last one. And by last one, I mean second to last one. Second to last one. Okay. And I quote, I felt a sudden disturbance in the force. As if millions of micro bubbles suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Here's the question. Where was the reviewer when this disturbance occurred? Was it A in the middle of a wedding ceremony? B in a TSA security line? Or C during an 8 a.m. corporate PowerPoint presentation?

SPEAKER_01 38:43

I want to say TSA because I've heard a lot of them with an airplane.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Nope. It was during an 8 a.m. corporate presentation. Oh sitting there hearing the slides, doing the things, circling back. Circling back, circling the jerk. And they felt a sudden in the force. Okay, last one. And I quote. Because we have to start with that. Yeah. And I quote. I was sitting in a bumper-to-bumper traffic on the I-95 when the first cramp hit. It wasn't a warning, it was a deadline. What emergency item did this reviewer claim that they had to resort to using in their back seat? Was it A, an empty big gulp cup?

unknown 39:35

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Was it B a plastic grocery bag? Or C an empty shoebox?

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Big gulp cup?

SPEAKER_00 39:45

No. You've done not well in this game. No. A plastic grocery bag.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

That's already bad.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

Can you imagine you're just like in traffic and you're like, I'm already stressed out with this traffic, but also the dam's about to break and I have nothing. It's like the Florida man taking a shit on a carcass.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

At that point, you have to pull over and and just pull into the emergency line, open the door, and just let her rip potato chip because there's no way.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

Oh, and I didn't read if they said they pulled over or what they ended up doing. They had to have pulled over. Because how are you gonna poop into a bag?

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Let us know in the comments.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Original poster, let us know. Yep. Anyways, so yeah, there's some other funny ways to get diarrhea besides diarrhea lettuce. Be watching for what you're eating, friends. It can strike.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

And listen to scientists, please.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Yeah, we need to monitor these things. Yep. Okay, well, this is the this is it. That's the episode. Okay. Two brains, one bot. You know what we all you know what we always like to say? You know what we like to say at this time of the episode, which is hold on. Hold please. Um stay curious.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Stay human.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Stay curious.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

Don't let the robots win.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Nice.